20s; Trying to Navigate & Adult

oh boy, how weird and not always wonderful is it being in your 20s. your early 20s in particular. sometimes I can even fathom it and feel like I’m on a rollercoaster I never wanted to go on but you can’t get off once you’re strapped in and your little carrier speeds off. without any stop and weird loops and drops all around. all you can do is try to navigate it and be okay or at least try and prepare for the next bump on the road. when I was a teen, I didn’t really have any idea what my twenties would be like or what would happen. I kind of went with the flow and made rough plans in my head. university, moving out, getting a job I like and eventually start thinking about marriage and babies towards the end of it. pretty standard and even though many things I planned, happened and I’m beyond grateful for my life, I wasn’t prepared for my early twenties and I’m still trying to get through it. it’s exhausting. its gaining responsibility and having to deal with life. it is making decisions which are important and have serious effects on your life and its failing, over and over again. so let’s talk 20s and how I try to navigate them my serious efforts with adulting.

who am I?
I wish I could answer this properly but who can really? although I always thought I have been sure of who I am and what I want, there were more fears and failures I had to handle and work through than I ever wanted to. I think I have matured in so many ways and truly tried to get to know me, even the bad habits. hopefully, I’m not alone with that. how did it take me so long until I got to know myself? but its not only that, it’s finding out where you belong, what you value, what your goals and passions are and who will stand the test of time or in that case: the test of 20s. it’s about first full-time jobs, changing majors again because it’s not the right fit, wanting to leave for travels and never return but also wanting to build a life worth living. with all the hurdles in your way and the constant trying to adjust, it’s not exactly the easiest thing. especially when I don’t know if I will ever find out. maybe it’s more about creating something you feel comfortable in hopes your true self will thank you for it but its just so damn exhausting.
who do I want to be with?
I’m probably very lucky that I met my boyfriend before I actually turned 20 and the ride fully took off but becoming an adult together is hard work. it’s struggling with the same things but not always being able to show understanding to your partner as you have to figure it all out yourself. its always having to make sure that you are still on the same roller coaster and have the hopes to get off at the same stop and hopefully made it out still respecting and loving each other. I can’t really speak about dating as I have been in a committed relationship through it all but my friends have a hard time dating. its a weird thing in between having to deal with yourself but probably wanting to find someone you could be with in the long run, maybe start a family and/or build a life with. it’s a weird limbo and sadly ends with frustration a lot of the time. said frustration can also come up when it comes to maintaining or building new friendships. everyone’s life is moving at a weird pace, people move away or change in a way that clashes with you. the people you used to see 5 days a week turn out to actually not be friends and it can be a time of loneliness too. all of it I have experienced it but that doesn’t make it less painful. 

what is adulting?
seriously, what is it? I moved into my own flat four years ago and had to deal with my own household, my own bills and everything around it from that point onwards and I don’t know how many emergency calls my parents received from me. about the smallest things but all of the sudden, I felt like I had so much responsibility and things to take care off and it still overwhelms me sometimes and living by myself does make me feel more mature and settled but it’s not making me feel like an adult. I haven’t stopped lounging around in my Christmas PJ bottoms as soon as I get home. I still buy unnecessary sweets just in case I want to have a kinder egg when I do work around my blog (a Halloween one is waiting for me in my cupboard as we speak) and my boyfriend and I love building a mattress fort in the living room as soon as its getting colder. do proper adults feel like adults? 
what do others think?
yes, comparison is the thief of joy and you shouldn’t compare your path in life to others but I think it happens to all of us. especially in a time that feels so overwhelming with a change around every corner and nothing set in stone, I feel like other people could potentially look down on me or that I’m the only one struggling with a specific task or failing at something. the age of social media makes you feel like others leading the dream life and you are barely staying afloat. it obviously is not true and everyone has their package to carry but I just can’t help to feel so small sometimes. I try to remind myself every day that I’m on my way, that I’m doing well and that everyone’s life pans out in different ways and no path can be compared. it hopefully will be all good one day.

my outfit
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Top: Promod
Skirt: H&M
Boots: Primark
Bag: Primark

Location: Berlin, Germany
Photography: hummingbird photographs

what do you think about the 20s? what are your experiences? I hope you are doing well and I hope w will make it out feeling better than ever.

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