I swear, in my perception of 2020, march and april barely exist as I have no idea what I did during those months and how the passed by despite being in lockdown and facing a global pandemic. its probably the reason why I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that its almost july. summer is truly here and I don’t feel like it. maybe because we don’t have a holiday planned like we usually do, maybe because I’m still hesitant to engage in larger gatherings and maybe its because we haven’t been struck with the same kind of heat we had for the past two years, luckily. since I have opened up about my struggles with depression and especially anxiety I have been doing lots of work to get better and focused most of my energy on my healing journey which is why I wanted to use this very post to reflect on all the things I’m grateful for in the past 4 weeks.
I know that loads of things surrounding work can be hard for many and not something that helps them with any kind of mental struggle which is just horrible but my job and my workplace is something that gives me so much joy. it was a perfect fit almost 3 years ago when I first started working there and today. It was very scary to start a new job right before lockdown but it was worth it. I love my team and being creative on a daily basis. I stand behind their values and love how supportive they are of all their employees needs and that I look forward to come into work every day. it also is a great way to calm me down when I don’t feel my best as it gives me a purpose and a routine.
I have only briefly talked about this because it is very close to my heart but my mum has been battling her chronic illnesses very intensely for the past year. after living without any limitations or visible effects from her chronic illnesses, she had a very serious flare up last year and was put back on medication after a hospital stay. long story short, she wasn’t really getting better and was dealing with heavy symptoms again. towards the end of the covid lockdown she hit rockbottom and was barely able to get out of bed, she had lost lots of weight, had no energy and her illness was sucking the life out of her. a very scary situation which is why she was admitted into hospital again. after multiple drips, therapies and a change of medication she is back home and gaining her strength and her personality back day by day. it is magical to see and I couldn’t be more grateful. my mum is one of the most important people in my life and my guidance in many ways so seeing her suffer like that was one of the most painful things. now its all upwards from here.
its part of my boyfriends career to work away from home and we usually we only see each other on the weekends. although I’m fine with him being away during the week as it gives me time to focus on myself and my job but it can be very hard and lonely from time to time. due to covid he has been home since mid-march and only left for a few days at a time if there was something urgent. we have enjoyed our time together very much and got used to life together again. it was so nice to have someone by my side during lockdown and to not drop him off at the train station every sunday but those weeks are over now. he will be back at work for 5 days a week by next week and our usual routine settles in again. I’m so grateful for the weeks we had as he has been my shoulder to lean on when things got tough and even after being together for over 6 years, it made me realize once more how incredibly lucky I am to have him by my side.
I always had to have set times just for myself by myself to be happy and I do think its a reason why my anxiety started spiraling out of control because I wasn’t able to devote time to myself and focus on healing my wounds. the past 4 weeks I was able to devote so much time just for myself, getting out in nature and letting go of many things holding me back. its crucial for me and helped me so much with a recent anxiety flare up. its something I plan on doing in the coming months in order to move further in my mental health journey.
Bag: Cult Gaia
what about you? what have you been grateful for in june? I would love to know.
Welcome to Elena Isabelle; A personal Blog about everything I am passionate about from Fashion to Beauty and a little bit of Interior and other Lifestyle Topics thrown in the mix. I hope you will enjoy your stay and lets get browsing!