it has been on my mind for a while, it has been on my fingertips for a few weeks and I have wanted to open up WordPress again for a few days. but where to start? it shocked me when I looked back on my blog and found out that my blog was last updated in August. Despite it only being about 3 months in reality, it feels like an eternity for me. so much has happened and I have no idea where and how to start again. My blog has always been my little shelter, my ultimate creative outlet and the place I felt most comfortable sharing my thoughts and troubles on. when this year turned out to be the most challenging for a number of reasons in all my 25 years of living, I felt creatively drained. there was so much I wanted to write and almost scream into the interwebs about all my struggles forming my life and ultimately growing up, I wasn’t able to type. My mind slowly went blank and I couldn’t pick it back up. It felt like I was growing so much and had to figure so much out that there was no space in my mind for blogging and it really saddens me but I had no choice but step away. The past 3 months have been exciting and beautiful but also very dark and heavy. it has been it all.
its almost insane to me that I started my first blog when I was in my last year of school. despite it being a beautiful time it almost feels like a distant memory and whoever I was back then is so different to who I am now. I always felt like not fitting in properly but yet people would probably categorize me as popular in school. I still felt odd and exposed when I told people about my love for my blog and everything social media. it was something so new and foreign and yet influencing, if you want to call it that, wasn’t. different types of social media popped up and died down again and amongst the few who died was a german one very similar to facebook but just for students. I gained a little following on it and had people who lived in the same part of berlin message me daily. it was a weird feeling and I barely shared it with anyone in fear people would judge me or think I’m weird. maybe I sometimes felt weird enough with my brightly coloured dip dyes and photography I posted online. It was a different time. The one thing that was the same was my struggle to find my way. I am able to do things I don’t enjoy very well too and was able to imagine loads of future careers and jobs for me. there was nothing I was able to pinpoint and I felt beyond lost. The only thing that gave me stability was my creative work, loving beauty and fashion and having my own little creative outlet. I can’t put into words how much my blog means to me and all the amazing things coming my way because of it. I have met so many talented people and was able to grow with it. something I will forever be thankful for.
well, if it only was that easy. The only thing I can say is she grew and she has been through it this year. from saying good-bye to a journey I have been on for the past years and committing to failing at something which was harder than anyone can imagine because I’m not used to failing, and finding my whole life turned around trying to squeeze into a career to far away from my academical journey. She finds it hard to show her weaknesses and still feels like she isn’t fitting in. She had to get used to her partner and soulmate moving away for work and leaving an empty space in the shared flat. She had to remove herself from her passion (this) to find herself again and she still feels like her life needs an overhaul. The temptation is real to throw everything out and start fresh again, from furniture to clothes to old and bad habits. She started a new career and was thrown into the deep end straight away and far away from home which made times really dark and almost too sad to bear and she had to decide which way she was going to take her career. She feels like she’s getting better and she is finally on the right track and like the sea, she has been sailing became calmer, she found her creativity back. It almost felt like the darker life got, the harder it was to let the light if her comfort spot on the internet in. She was drained and maybe I still am. But I’m back and I made it through.
a calm sea never made a skilled sailor.
to be fair, I don’t know yet. I want to have my creative outlet back, share and post about my life that I so painfully had to grow into. A 25-year-old with a full-time job in fashion living in a regular apartment that needs some updating and a shopping addiction. I’m living a regular life which beautiful and I’m trying to make it extraordinary in my way. by documenting it, swooning over designer goods. I want to work out a schedule again and maybe even get back to YouTube. It’s my passion and although my life is great the way it is, if I ever had the chance to do this full-time, I would. This is a beautiful piece of who I am and I can’t imagine life without it. It’s part of expressing my creativity and showing what I love and I hope you are still with me.
Welcome to Elena Isabelle; A personal Blog about everything I am passionate about from Fashion to Beauty and a little bit of Interior and other Lifestyle Topics thrown in the mix. I hope you will enjoy your stay and lets get browsing!