relationships and the way we pursue them: its a whole load of content and ultimately money around this topic as finding the best match and hopefully living a fulfilled life together. I watched sex and the city for years just to follow Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Bigs Lovestory and have listened to millions of stories about horrific Tinder-Dates and the What-If-Guys. The ones that kind of meant more but never happened. I have written my share on it too and to be honest, I probably won’t stop because there’s so much to write and discuss and ultimately learn. Maybe you are reading this and are still looking for someone special, maybe you have been married for years and are the happiest or you just had a big fall out over something so teeny tiny but both of you are too stubborn to give in. whatever it is: welcome. I’m Elena and I have been with my amazing boyfriend for over five years. I love him loads and we want to spend and build our lives together. for the past years we have been living in the same city and quickly moved into our first flat. I have never done long distance and I always said I would never do it and here I am typing up a post about just that. going into long distance after five years. I’m bloody terrified.
if you want to know how my boyfriend and I met you can read our whole story here. To be fair, I didn’t see long distance coming into our relationship and if you would have asked me a year or even 6 months ago (2019 has been the craziest year of my life) I would have laughed and didn’t see long distance in our future but life changes and sometimes you can’t help it. My boyfriend’s career is moving forward and it’s making me extremely happy and excited because he wants to build a good life for himself and ultimately for his family which includes me as well. from August onwards he will be working away from Berlin 5 days a week. If he will make it home every weekend is uncertain but what is for sure is that I will stay in our flat. our relationship will move into some sort of long distance after five years of spending most of our time together and at times, I find it scary.
I think there is a very bad stigma and very bad thoughts around long distance relationships. when I shared the big news with friends which is that my partner accepted a great career opportunity which allows him to live a more comfortable life and will allow us to plan ahead it was met with congrats and excitement until I mentioned him working away from home. It was almost assumed that I wasn’t happy about it and was, in fact, contemplating a separation. I actually haven’t thought about anything negative and just was excited for him. All of a sudden my thoughts were spiralling and I couldn’t help but wonder if they were right. Should I consider a separation? Should I be terrified and utterly unhappy? Why wasn’t I mad or sad? I would lie if there weren’t fears I have and they are very real but we talk about them openly. We have established a home for us and we thought about moving but agreed to not do that as it would be weird for him to return to a flat he has barely lived in. We have a routine with us both working and how we spend our evenings and weekends and how we like to spend time apart. We do spend a lot of time together and always have and it’s all going to change. It scares me. I know I will miss him but what if my missing gets too much? What if I will be miserable? How will we plan weekends between us two, family and friends? Yes, there are many questions and most I can’t come to a solution with because we haven’t lived the situation yet and why is there so much negativity around it? Aren’t there loads of couples in this situation?
Everyone’s life plan and idea about life surely are different but with us both just about entering our mid-twenties we feel like we have plenty of time to rearrange life and make our visions of what we want to become a reality. we don’t have kids, don’t own a property and don’t have any financial burdens to keep on top of. both of us feel like life just still is on our fingertips and we want to embrace it to the fullest. I know the career move my partner is about to make will enable him to become the vision he has of himself. I know it is exactly what he needs and wants the possibilities which will come with is just excite me. it excites me that he gets to fulfil his dreams and shape himself. to me, that’s what a happy relationship is. he does the same for me. since we have been together for a really long time and had spent so much time together, I feel like we can benefit from being apart more too. I’m at a point in my life where I seriously question myself and my career as well as my education. I don’t feel the need to settle into a career I will be doing until retirement. I want to make the most of myself and change my path too. Time apart will both give us the chance to work on ourselves and be very selfish but still have a partner for support but also discussion. I’m not ready to have kids yet and would much rather work on myself before and build the life I vision. I hope we can use this time and him working away from home to cherish the stable foundation we built and develop into what we want to be and what kind of couple we want to be. I hope it challenges us to be better and love each other even more as well as be separate. we both love lone time and enjoy being surrounded by no one and to be honest, I’m excited.
Relationships and Love are funny things and so flexible to what YOU want and thats the essence of it. I totally respect everyones thoughts and feelings towards long distance especially when it is a change in a non long distance relationship. I respect you not wanting it and being upset as every relationship and everyones expectations are different but honestly, I’m sometimes a bit shocked myself as how easy and how painless the transitions feels so far. We have booked a big holiday to Italy to celebrate being together, we have spend even more time together and just did things as a couple and really just discussed everything openly. What we fear, hope and think. There should be an open conversation about topics like this and how differently couples want to approach it. The only thing I wish is that our hopes will become a reality. I hope we will grow together as a couple and will make the most of it.
Dress: InTheStyle x Lorna Luxe
What about you? What are your thoughts on long distance relationships? Have you had any experience with it? Please let me know and lets chat!
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