I believe in love, I always have. maybe because my parents raised me in the most loving way, being together for almost 30 years now, happily married, two kids and still deeply in love. my grandparents will be married for 66 years this year which is literally lifelong and they just need each other and really have been through it all and made it out of it because of their love and respect for each other. if I had to write a book about love, I would write about my grandparents and their story because it could be a Nicholas Sparks kind of story and I’m sure two beautiful actors would represent them on a poster almost kissing. it would be perfect. despite being so lucky to grow up in a family full of love and care I was so not lovable and didn’t want to show love after a very rough relationship. I almost had the tingly and suffocating feeling of anxiety in my chest when I thought about starting a new relationship as I was so scared that it would all go downhill again, that I would feel so trapped and small again and that someone would make me feel so worthless again. I wasn’t looking for love, not at all despite having dates and putting myself out there. it was just fun and games and nothing serious ever until I met a special person and my whole world was flipped upside down. so today we will be talking about how I fell in love.
how I fell in love or how I met my boyfriend
the school was always my safety blanket. I felt comfortable, did very well, had the best time and I never wanted it to end. after graduating in 2013, I fell into a deep hole of self-doubt and not knowing who I was and what I wanted to do. everyone around me seemed so sure and settled and I was just floating around, I didn’t know what to do and just went with what I thought would be safe. law school. today we know that it probably wasn’t the best choice for me but I just didn’t want to be without a plan. most of my friends did not do the same mistake I did which is starting university right away, they took gap years and filled them by being an au pair in Spain or volunteering in Bali and Cameroon. I was generally very lonely and very lost. I also started suffering from quite bad health issues and didn’t want to go out. all I did was anxiously making my way through classes and sitting at my desk doing uni work with my cat on my lap. it was one day in a lecture and I was aimlessly browsing Instagram to see what my friends in Asia and Africa were up to when I came across a guys profile and I was instantly interested.
I always loved photography and I loved it when people had very nice pictures of themselves. when it comes to guys it usually the shaky picture clubbing with the boys which almost makes you smell cheap liquor and Paco Rabanne one million or its the after gym mirror selfie. so I saw this very good and very nicely done photo of a guy as one my friends recently liked it and I thought it would be a big Instagram guy and I was surprised that he wasn’t. just a normal guy. I followed him and he followed me back and we liked all pictures one of us posted. one day, he posted a picture of all his friends and spotted a familiar face and it all made sense all of the sudden.
when I was in 12th grade one of my best friends started seeing a boy from our school. he was much younger than her and it was quite a weird story. I even invited both to my parents’ house when we did a friends dinner and as she was one of the first with a license and a car, we picked him up for his birthday and just drove through the city. it was all fun but since he was so much younger, it didn’t work out in the end. that guy had a brother who also went to the same school as I did and that was the exact guy I found on Instagram. I have no memory from school of him even though everyone who knows both of us and went to the same school swears that we must have seen each other but we both don’t remember which maybe is why it all worked out.
it was a grey November evening and I was sitting at my desk working through uni stuff when I randomly decided to write him on facebook. he had his facebook linked in his Instagram profile and it was easily the best conversation I had in a while. it wasn’t the usual “what are you up to? what are you doing?” convo, we talked about dreams and plans and what life meant to us and it was like an instant bond. from this point on he was part of my daily life. we texted on Facebook and then on WhatsApp for 3 months straight. every day about everything and all of the sudden I started feeling like I belonged. I was in no rush to meet up and so wasn’t he. I knew who he was and that he was a real person that I had a real-life connection to and it was just the time I needed.
when we started talking I worked in retail in a designer outlet and one of my friends came back from Bali and started a position in said designer outlet centre too. it was her first day and since she didn’t have a car I offered to wait for her in the staff parking lot to take her home. the store I worked at was right across a coffee shop and they always offered us their free coffee for staff and I had two huge coffees to I was buzzing. as I took her home I texted him asking if he wanted to hang out and meet up as I had too much coffee to sleep anyway and he said yes. so I drove to his street and we stood in the freezing cold of february and talked until 3 in the morning. my legs were seriously frozen and as I sat in the car driving home I knew that it was meant to be. he texted me as soon as he got home telling me that he loved every second of it and that I’m just the person he imagined. there was noting akward about it as I knew him so well and fro this second on we were spent all our time together. I was preparing for my first round of finals and after sitting in library all day we met up and just talked, iImet his friends and his brother again and it was all just easy.
on a random cold evening after a long day at the library, he asked me if I wanted to come to his house as it was freezing and for some reason actually going to a guys house and eventually meeting his parents freaks me out. I had such a tough time with my ex’ parents and I always felt like I wasn’t welcome. do you know that feeling when you just feel comfortable with someones home? maybe when you have a childhood friend and you visit their place after a few years but the way it smells is so familiar and you just feel good being there. that was the exact feeling I had when I first entered his house. it was so warm and welcoming and when his mum was the nicest person I have ever met, I just knew it was going to be okay. he and his brother had their rooms and kind of their private space in the loft of the house as they completely renovated and transformed the house. we sat on his couch under exposed beams and skylight windows and at one point he kissed me and it was perfect. it was the 12th of February 2014.
after that, it was just a whirlwind and a blur if love and laughter. we just fell so hard for each other and I have never been more in love and still fall in love more and more every day. the spring and summer were spent enjoying sunsets and sunrises from his skylights overlooking the edges of Berlin, listening to music and to the rain on the windows and just dreaming, planning and talking. we drove out to the lakes randomly just to go for a swim and get ice cream after, we did spontaneous barbecues in his garden with all his friends, went to countless home parties and sneaked into a school’s grounds just to try and climb on the p.e. building to see the skyline. we witnessed Germany winning the FIFA world cup and had the best summer. he supported me when I was flat hunting and helped me move in. in 2015 we decided on a whim that he would move in too and a few weekends later we packed up his room and unpacked it in the flat again. since then we have completely renovated it and made it our own. we adopted two cats, been to Denmark to enjoy the beaches, we have been to London and it was all perfect and so easy. obviously there are times when work is needed but its never too hard. there are more things i love about him than time to describe it all. I’m very lucky that I clicked on his Instagram when I was so lost and unsure. he’s my partner in crime.
Outfit: Shirt: H&M // Jeans: Primark // Shoes: Zara
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