When Life Gets Too Much & Its Okay to take a Break

if you follow me on twitter or read my Sunday Mood series you might have seen that I had a pretty rough last week nd to be fair, it wasn’t just last week. i wish it was. I like planning ahead, feeling safe with what I do and knowing it ensures security for my future and me always chose life around feeling secure. to be fair, university and starting it was the first time in my life i didn’t feel secure. I didn’t feel a purpose, I just went with the flow and because I put so much pressure on myself and last week, it all came crashing down on me.
uni wasn’t the easiest ride for me and still isn’t. it wasn’t a good time and I felt more low and anxious than proud and excited. I went to law school. probably one of the hardest and most competitive environments you could go for and it takes ages to complete, at least in Germany. I was close to just quitting multiple times, I cried more than I should have and apparently its normal in law school. so last week, it all came crashing down on me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I spent countless hours crying down on the phone to my parents, to my boyfriend and I woke up every day feeling sad. to be honest, I haven’t felt like this before and I got scared and I had to stop. it couldn’t go on like this.

talk it out
usually, I bottle things up and deal with it on my own but I couldn’t take it anymore and I basically broke down sitting on the sofa with my boyfriend and I obviously felt horrible but talking about helped me so much. I spent ages on the phone with my parents and also went for student counselling to get advice on what to do. it was truly the first time I did that. the first time I asked for help when I was at one of my lowest points. I thought it would make it real and I couldn’t hide the feeling of failure anymore. now I see it as strength. accepting a low point and reaching out for help should be celebrated as a high, as wanting to get out of it.

is it the end of the world?
I thrive for perfectionism. I always have and the pressure comes from no one but me. my parents never put any kind of pressure on me but I did. my mum kept asking me if it’s a life or death situation and obviously it wasn’t. which might sound blunt is actually very much right. I have a great life and being so upset and unhappy about my schooling situation is bad and I have every right to be upset but it’s not the end of the world. I can solve it. I will be better and it’s not the end of the world.
its okay to take a break
after thinking it through and thinking about it long and hard, I decided to take a break. I will put everything on hold and just get out of the mindset I was in. I want to see what options I have. maybe I will be transferring to a different uni, one I want to do my master’s degree at. I want to see what I really want to do and where my path in life is. I never took a break. no gap year, no nothing and I feel its about time and it is okay.
I feel like we all get caught up in the idea of life and what it should be that we forget to take care of the most important things in life and that’s ourselves. sometimes life will make you realize that and it took me a good while to get to that point. so let’s see what this year holds. its gonna be the most exciting one and most challenging one yet.

Location: Sacrow, Brandenburg, Germany
Outfit: Coat: Filipa K // Jeans: Zara // Shoes: Zara // Bag: Zara // 

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