Does Gender Really Matter? // Dating Column Chapter Six

Most people probably look back at their first job with disgust. I don’t besides it being a pretty crappy and underpaid but it was so much fun. Almost 18 years old me had the brilliant idea to move out of my parents home into a flat with my best friend back then and now. My parents laughed it off and deep down I knew it would be better to not leave the nest but my inner rebel still went for a job so I could afford it (I’m laughing at myself now). The job me and my friend landed was in a smoothie/juice/frozen yoghurt bar. Besides my boss and his full-time co-worker, there were only students. A cheap but dangerous business considering we were all in the same age and we had the bloody best time. We grew into a family and best friends and hung out all the time, mostly partying. We begged the only girl over 18 to run to the grocery store in the mall and buy us jägermeißter or vodka so we could mix ourselves a very boozy smoothie after the shift which we sipped on when we had to clean up the store as the mall closed whilst blasting music (one by Swedish house mafia). Two of the team were siblings and when I first saw them, I wasn’t quite sure what gender they were. Since I was raised to not give one fuck about that and my mum would have killed me straight if I judged someone because of that, I went up to them after we became essentially work friends and asked if they wanted to be referred to as “he” or “she” or something else and both went with “he”. Both of them were born as girls but in their teenage years both came out transsexual and wanted to live life as males. We became great friends. With one of the brothers I clicked right away and we just got along so well and he became really close. I witnessed how he had his first hormone shots and how quickly his body changed. The soft face became harder as the days went by. Sadly, trans people face loads of judgment and it was horrible to witness. When he struggled with his parents he basically slept over at mine for days on end and both brothers were greatly involved in my friend group which luckily is judgment-free.

We were heading to a party and all met up at the train station. Our journey to the location at Alexanderplatz was filled with laughter and sipping jäger straight from the bottle. As we arrived, hiding leftover liquor in the bushes around we danced for hours on end. Besides a dancefloor filled with happy people, there was also a room to just sit and talk. We sat surrounded by friends and since my hands are pretty much always warm he placed his hands on mine so I could warm them up. For some reason, he brought up the sensitive soul in me that I tried hiding so hart. His hand basically never left mine and when we entered the dancefloor again he was standing at the site watching me in the crowd and as I turned around to ask him to join the dance he grabbed my face and kissed me. My knees usually never shake but this time they did.

From this point onward we were basically only seen together as he stayed over pretty much every weekend and it was all a whirlwind of partying like crazy, dressing up as an emo for a fancy dress party and tipsy kissing. More than once I asked myself what actually was going on and what to do with the entire situation but as I learned before, it was better to just let it be. He asked me multiple times if I was okay with him as I would consider myself straight. To me he was a boy, he is a man. We basically got drunk together and slept til noon in my huge bed only to be woken up by my mum as she always opened the window to let fresh air in. Every time she said, “it stinks like alcohol in here”. One night we went out to a housewarming and he got completely wasted which meant we spend a good hour in the bathroom being sick. My biggest phobia is throw up and throwing up so I sat outside the bathroom door, heavily drunk myself crying because I felt so bad for him. He fell asleep with his face on my shoulder in the cab to my house and he very tipsy told me how much I meant to him. I had no idea that everything was about to shatter into pieces after. It still makes me mad today.

What I didn’t really know was that he was in a serious relationship with this girl. In front of me, he always made her look like a casual thing and always went on about how jealous she was and I didn’t give one damn about her but she actually was his proper girlfriend. Because he tickled out the sensitive me I was actually hurt again. Not because I wanted to be her, I wanted him to respect me and her too and at least giving the choice if I wanted to kiss him knowing that he was taken. I got furious and bitterly cold and was so hurt at the same time. He still managed to hit a soft spot with me and we actually saw each other sometimes but I was different. This whole gender thing got confusing again even though there was no need for it to be confusing and I remember opening up to friends on a trip with my German A-level class. I pretty much blew him after that. Not because he was transgender but because he wasn’t respectful and I still have no idea what I was giving him or why he felt the need to not tell the truth. His girlfriend only found out because one of my friends accidentally spilt the tea which makes it even worse.

Gender really doesn’t matter, as long as you are a decent person. Respect and truth have no gender. 


Location: Heilandskirche, Sacrow, Brandenburg, Germany
Outfit: Jumper: Zara // Jeans: Primark // Shoes: Primark // Bag: Zara // Sunglasses: River Island

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