Donnerstag, 9. Februar 2017

Do I want to be a Real Blogger?



Jacket: Hermés // Jumper: Primark // Jeans: Primark // Boots: TK Maxx // Bag: Primark

lately, i have been thinking a lot. of my future, of what i want to be, of the life i want to lead. it feels like i have to figure out what i want to do with my life now and to be honest, i'm not ready yet. i have no idea what i want. the only thing i know is, i want a job that i love. is that too much to ask for? to be fair, i have been thinking about how my life would be like if i would do blogging full time. probably a dream many girls have and so many girls are doing it. i imagine how it would be, what i would do and what it could lead me to and whenever i'm in the middle of my thoughts, i stop and wonder if i really want that and who i would become.


can i be different?
as much as i love this community, i feel like its quite hard to come across a big youtuber or blogger who is somewhat different. i just feel like as soon as they have been invited to a charlotte tilbury event (i would faint) and have managed to buy themselves a designer handbag (i have such a long wish list) they morph into the the same person. always brunching, designer handbag collection expanding, casually dropping 500€ on asos, working out with a pt, greece for a holiday. don't get me wrong, none of these things are wrong, they don't make anyone a bad person but how can it be that everyone all of the sudden becomes the same person? is there some sort of codex i don't know off? am i morphing into this? and i tend to just stop watching or reading blogs when i feel the transformation happened and i always wonder if i can be different. can i add something new into this filled up world? will people think the same of me?


can i be relatable?
to be fair, it is so exciting and fun to me to see people live an ultimate goal life. i love seeing people unbox luxury items, going on fancy trips but i'm sitting here in yoga pants, worrying about life, about my grades in fear that i will never find a job...its a serious fear of mine and its not cool. as much as love swooning over luxe lifes, i still prefer old videos and homestyle posts. just the regular life. i would happily watch someone fold their laundry, do chores around the house, go food shopping and just lead a normal life. i really tend to prefer old videos, my favourite is watching zoella from 2012, ben brown when i just started, hello october when she still worked full time alongside youtube because those videos and posts just feel so much more homey, warm, relatable and almost effortless to me. kate la vie is one of my all time favourite internet ladies. she just manages to give me that homey feel. i could spend ages watching her because she is effortless and relatable and still manages to throw in some luxe life. i always wonder what i would be like? yes, i would buy myself designer handbags if i could but is that relatable? is that what i want to be like? what do i want to be like?


can i be worthwhile?
how exciting is this whole blogging world? its all so shiny and pretty. reality looking better and obviously the best snippets of ones life. but is being a full time blogger and youtuber a worthwhile job? to be honest i don't think so. this community, this job is still so new and moves so quickly and to be fair, you could be the most talented and lovely person, if people don't want to support you, you are going nowhere with it. your success depends on others. a bit scary right? i love the degree i'm going for and it hopefully insures me to get a safe forever job that i can still do when i'm 50. can i do all this when i'm 50? technically yes, but who really want to watch a 50 year old talk about simple skincare...i don't think that this concept will work so ultimately you'll have to have a plan b, at least if you are a bit of a worrier like me. will i only have my 5 minutes of glory? 


this whole world of blogging is so exiting and big but its hard for me to wrap my mind around it sometimes. its hard for me to truly dive into it because of all the "what if"s in my life, because of the need of security i have deep inside me. i have no idea if i will ever have to face any of the questions i'm asking myself here. if i don't, i will always enjoy all of this glitter and lipstick filled world. i can't see myself just closing the blogging tab and never opening it again. just because its for me. maybe the key to being a "real blogger" is just being me. doing what feels right to me even though i sometimes don't know what feels right to me. 

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