it was a beautifully sunny and autumnal morning, a Monday and I was feeling productive. I thought it would be a great idea to take my laptop to Starbucks, get a psl and get work done. as soon as I walked up to my Starbucks I was confused for a second as it looked weirdly dark. it turned out they closed it and I was really disappointed. so since I was there and my productivity plans got cancelled, I decided to pop into lush before heading back home to get some work done and I had to pick up a few items. two of my favourites and a product I haven't tried before and I figured it would be only right to share them with you in this post.
let's take a bath
one of my all-time favourite lush bath bombs has to be intergalactic. it just makes such a beautiful bath and relaxes me to the max every time I use it. it is like bathing in the night sky with the stunning blue and glittery bath colour it creates. look wise it's my favourite and its also not a typical sickly lush scent. it contains peppermint oil as well as vetiver and cedar wood. it's a very calm and manly smell which is why Mr. T is a big fan too. one new bath bomb that looks very similar as its the same space theme is the new rocket science bath bomb. its the same colour palette as its bright blue too and is supposed to have yellow and pink in it as well and it's slightly shimmery. it contains lemon oil and smells very fresh and is again something to go for if strong lush scents aren't really your cup of tea. my favourite bubble bar has to be a french kiss. it's the most calming and relaxing lavender scent and it is the best to use if you need a good night of sleep or need to relax after a long week of being a girl boss. its perfection and even turns the bath water into a beautiful pale lilac colour.
so here we are. a very little and very spontaneous lush haul. I can't wait to take a bath now and I also can't wait to get some Halloween bits but they are only launching in October here so bear with me.
❤︎
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happy Sunday my loves. I usually have this post scheduled and well as all my posts for the upcoming week. This Sunday I'm sitting here in the morning and typing up this post like a maniac because I was so busy and poorly and I just didn't manage to take pictures and I was all a mess. so sometimes you are so on top of your game and some weeks you are just flopping around. I try to be better next week with everything especially since I really, really want to do more with my youtube channel as I love it so much and I have so many ideas and plans and sometimes I feel like as soon as you make plans, something happens and you can't work on them but hey ho, another week is about to start.
what I did
so, me and my Mr. t were both very, very poorly. Everyone seems to be having a cold lately so we just spent most of our days snuggled up on the sofa with chicken noodle soup and tea. I had my laptop by my side to get work done but when I felt my worst on Wednesday I actually fell asleep over my laptop. Despite being very poorly, I got my hair cut finally and it was so needed. my hair feels so soft and looks great again. I also went to IKEA with my friends to buy some items to kick off the home renovations. I can't wait to get some work done and improve our flat.
what I didn't do
I didn't do any work on my youtube channel which is understandable when you feel like crap and basically nap all day long.
what I ate
I really do lose my appetite whenever I'm poorly and basically, don't want to eat at all. so I tried to have loads of water and fruit to make me feel better and I had loads of soup. so nothing interesting really.
what I want to do next week
I want to be most productive next week. I have so much work to keep up with and I just want to get it done. I also want to finish few little jobs around the flat and just go back to my busy self because I'm done with feeling poorly.
one word to describe the past week
poorly
❤︎
To make a few things clear again, sex and your sexuality are up to you. I grew up in a society where there’s no pressure to not do just that and I never had a problem with having sex also in just a casual way. After growing my wings and flying high as I broke free from a very toxic relationship, I was looking for everything but a new relationship. I think I was still looking for me, looking for who I truly was. I wanted to focus on myself and enjoying each day. The thought of getting into a new relationship was making me anxious and I was scared that what I just broke free from would happen again. What I was looking for was the sweet taste of “nothing too serious” and till this day my favourite moment to experience is kissing someone for the first time. It’s magical and filled with excitement and can taste like freedom or cheap vodka.
I always had one rule: don’t date a guy from school. First, because I was always friends with many guys and I liked keeping it a friendship. Also, I’ve witnessed more drama with school couples than a simple girl could take and I like to keep my relationships where they belong: between the people who are in the relationship. So there was my rule…guess what? I broke it.
Being friends with guys has many benefits. They are way more easy going, there’s hardly any drama and they will go out to grab a beer basically whenever. Also, they usually have a car which is very handy in many ways. So there was this guy, tall, dark hair and very, very funny. Not bad looking too and he was a ladies’ man, always with a girl but never in a nasty way. He was a bit older and was the first one to own a car. We always got along just fine and I knew he always liked me so I remember standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to go home when he rolled around in his mums bright red car (did anybody ever have a cool first car?) offering me a ride home as he lived pretty close and that’s where it started. From that point onwards he gave me a ride on a regular and we also started hanging out after school even if we just drove to get ice cream for his family, nothing serious which is just what I wanted but it became pretty evident pretty quickly that we both wouldn’t mind having a casual affair. So in that bright red car which was tiny I might add, we kissed for the first time and it was like that very kiss which meant nothing but a bit of fun and games for me started drama that taught me a very important lesson: never ever go for a boy from school or in fact, a boy that anyone knows when it comes to casual sex or casual making out.
To me and I think to him everything was fine the way it was and we kept the in car making out and midnight drives to ourselves. At least I did. He was dating a girl about a year before and as far as I know, he really liked her. She, however, treated him like crap and after cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend, she also let everyone know that she wasn’t happy and that she wanted to break up. The only person who wasn’t aware was him. He found out that he was dumped when he casually walked into the bar we all used to hang out (I still go there, so does he) and saw her with a new dude. Great, very classy and lovely. So after being an absolute shitty girlfriend, she decided that she wanted him back and started going for him again despite the fact that he had no idea what actually happened. Her strategy of getting him back was texting him nonstop and asking him about me. Basically, her texts were around me and him meeting up and pressuring him into telling her that we had something going on. He kept his mouth shut…for a while.
It was a regular day, we sat in this car on our way home just chatting about whatever when he told me about his ex wanting to meet up. It was in that very conversation that I realized that he had no idea about her behaviour towards him and their relationship. He had no idea that she stayed with her ex and cheated and that everyone knew she was over him before he did. It was him who asked me to tell him the truth. I still don’t know if it was my right to tell him but sometimes I can’t keep my mouth shut. I only realized that I told him the truth after I heard myself saying it and I was able to feel this pain and anger despite him not saying one word. I remember his fingers wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles turned white.
I used to have my biology class on Friday mornings at 8 and I was having a good day, probably planning my weekend and looking forward to not getting up at 5:45 in the morning. I was just ready to leave the class room when I saw my phone going mental. My friend was texting me that he told her about us and that we met up and had a casual thing going on, she told me that she knew and he basically stabbed me in the back. I expected to feel my heart drop but instead, I was flipping pissed. Now I was the bitch and I still remember her and her group of friends staring at me like I committed a major crime…guess what? You weren’t dating him and you were an awful human being in that relationship. I actually never talked to her after and since she blocked and deleted me on facebook (she still has by the way) and to be fair I didn’t feel the need to explain myself and my actions since I did nothing wrong. The first I thing I did is ask him if he even thought about telling me first that he was opening up so I would be able to brace myself. His reply was: “well since everybody knows now, we can just keep going right?” well, actually not. No respect, no sex. That’s it. All this unnecessary school drama because of nothing serious taught me once more that going for a boy from school especially in a casual way is not the one and I never made the same mistake again.
Probably the saddest thing about learning my lesson was that he ended up with a girl from our year and since their relationship started he deleted me on Facebook…just why? I guess some people never grow up.
❤︎
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Outfit: Shirt: Zara // Jeans: Topshop // Shoes: H&M // Bag: TKMaxx // Rings: Stradivarius
whats so special about autumn to me? it's the cosy weather, the warm colours, the heavy rain and stormy days, the golden sunlight, indulging in a hot bath and having a million candles to gently light up my living space. maybe it's my inner scandi since I have been going to Denmark since I was a kid but to me, the darker months are just more hygge...never thought i would write this word out in a blog post but here we go. so when it comes to a more hygge living space candles are a must and there is one brand and one brand only that seems to nail seasonal candles so well and makes most of us want to board a plane to the US to raid one of their stores. it's bath & bodyworks. the very famous three wick candles which are made with the most perfect seasonal scents and packaging as soon as the seasons change and this year, I wanted to get my hands on some too. mainly because I have been lusting over them for years and I wanted to be extra festive and see what they were about.
how I got them
now you may wonder how I got those babies from the US. so here is the whole story and a little drama. i knew that some of the candles are available via Amazon but they are very, very pricey on there and obviously don't have the same stock. then there's eBay which I only recently saw and I find it to be an okay option. I, however, shopped on the bath & bodyworks website. they had a deal going on and it was buy 2 get 2 free and they had a coupon for some dollars off when the order was over 30$ so the candles were really, really cheap. I decided to use gosend. I know they did many sponsored videos around this time last year and this is not sponsored at all. you set up an account and get a locker with an address in the US. this is the address I shipped the order to. after a few days, it arrived a gosend and I was able to ship it out myself. now here is the drama. I shipped items to the US from the US and yes, it is pricey but I wasn't ready for the price I had to pay. they offer express delivery only and I wouldn't have a problem with waiting longer and paying less. I had to pay 65$ for shipping. I almost cried into my laptop. they claim to have special offers on shipping when you pay for a membership but I'm not about that life. luckily I had some money spare but this is no cheap business here. the parcel came within two days which was a huge surprise and was probably what I paid for. I had to pay some customs fees but they were not much at all. I got four candles and the total cost had to be around 100$ which is less than buying four autumn scents via Amazon because their prices are just wow...gosend itself works great but the shipping really was something else so despite how easily and quickly it all went, I have no idea if I would use it again. probably not.
the scents I got
now I had to get two pumpkin theme scents and the first is pumpkin pecan waffles. the notes are maple syrup, golden waffles, pumpkin spice and brown sugar. it has that warmth to it and is very sweet and has the hint of spice that comes with pumpkin scents. it's not sickly sweet which I love and I would burn it in the kitchen or bedroom as the scent is very comforting. I also got caramel pumpkin swirl. the notes are fresh pumpkin, warm caramel, grated cinnamon and vanilla bean. this smells like a bakery I'd like to visit. the caramel is very strong and for a second I thought it was too much but when I burned it in the kitchen whilst baking, it filled the room with a spicy and warm scent and it's just lovely but if you like to stay away from sweet scents, this I probably not for you. one candle I was so surprised by is autumn. with notes of bright red gala apple, juicy fig, eucalyptus leaf and fir balsam I wasn't sure about it as I normally don't go for anything apple scented as I find that so hard to nail and most times i smells awful but this is autumn in a jar. literally. it's like breathing in an autumn walk. it's fresh but also has the wonderfully deep scent of golden leafs and a crisp morning. its beautiful and I would highly recommend it. the last one was one I wanted for ages. it's flannel. I'm German and one of my favourite English words is flannel. the notes are crisp autumn air, bergamot, heirloom mahogany and soft musk and it smells like a man. it has that fresh but deep and comforting men's cologne or aftershave kind of scent and it's so lovely. to me, it's the perfect living room and hallway scent and it really has that crisp autumn air feel to it. the scents are so strong that I can smell them even with my very stuffy nose at the moment and even when the lids are closed. their scent spreads throughout my entire flat and they burn very nicely.
so, all in all, I'm so happy with the candles and they are brilliant and worth the hype. the gosend shipping fees, however, are a whole different story so bear that in mind if you want to use their service. it all was easy and quick but it's not affordable at all. on the other hand, getting them via eBay and Amazon isn't cheap too.
❤︎
one thing I just like I about the season changing to autumn, there are many things i like about it, is how much more cosy everything gets. I put our winter duvet on which makes our bed so much more like a little cloud, I added more pillows everywhere and I started burning candles like a crazy woman again, especially since a very special candle delivery arrived and you are about to find out all about it in Tuesday's post. I also had an afternoon of baking for the first time in ages and it just made my heart so warm. I don't mind the rain when I know I have an umbrella with me and as a background noise when I work, I don't mind the chilly mornings when having a big scarf to warm me up. nothing beats autumn and the excitement for the months to come.
what I did
I feel like the past week just flew by. seriously, it feels like it was Monday yesterday. I had loads of work to do and revised for uni and did my private classes which is just the usual. on Tuesday I decided to grab my first pumpkin spice latte and took my laptop to Starbucks to work there. sadly, their wifi played up and I had to leave earlier than planned but of well. my mum and I also went a bit mental picking up pumpkins from a local farm shop. maybe it bit early for some but we loved every second and my flat looks so much more autumnal now. the reason why I did some baking was my Mr. ts dads surprise birthday party with a barbecue and roasting marshmallows on an open fire.
what I didn't do
honestly, I haven't had much time for friends this week but we all seem to be so busy at the moment so I don't feel like missing out. it's just a bit tricky to manage everything.
what I ate
obviously my pumpkin spice latte but I also made the best and richest chocolate cake for Mr. ts dad and everyone loved it. sometimes nothing beats a good piece of cake. it is just good for the soul.
what I want to do next week
basically revise, study and work as always but I will also get a much-needed haircut on Thursday and my boyfriend and I might pop to Ikea again since we are renovating but other than that I don't have anything planned so let's see where the next week will take me.
one word to describe the past week
cosy
❤︎
One thing I learnt and I will stand by is the fact that most first boyfriends are assholes and like my American host mum used to say “he's a poop”. If you are still with your first ever boyfriend, congrats to you, you have a very rare decent first boyfriend at least that’s what I hope. So I was this small girl with long hair, wearing colourful chucks and shopping at thrift stores, he was tall and had the very rare combo of almost black hair and grey eyes and he played American football. Not really the type of sport that is super common here but a few guys from my school year were in a team and so was he. That’s how we met. I wasn’t used to a guy complimenting me in that way and really going for me and all of the sudden he kissed me for the first time whilst watching the stars and I was really surprising for me to say the least. What looked like a romantic cute first relationship quickly turned into something I was never used to, into something I never thought love would mean and into something that affects me still but also made me stronger than I ever imagined to be.
Besides having a never resting mind I’m also a highlqy sensitive person and a people pleaser. Great combo and easy to pressure. I always imagined the first love to be very tender and sweet, shy kisses, school dances and summers spent by the lake. I was never one to believe in staying with the first love and boy, I’m so happy I didn’t.
Imagine always feeling little and stupid. Imagine always feeling like being caged, in fear of doing something wrong and not being good enough and on the other hand being a trophy. That’s essentially what my first relationship was like. I was struggling with my body image and an eating disorder basically through the entire time we were together and he really didn’t help at all. Being in a toxic and looking back a quite abusive relationship is never good for anyone’s mental health at all. I was feeling so good about my friends and had a blast going to school. I made the best of friends but it felt like everyone grew wings to fly and mine was cut off by someone who claimed to love me. Someone who threatened me with jealousy and then telling me: “You are just like a fancy car Elena, I want to show you off”.
Because it was my first relationship and I didn’t know what a relationship was or what love would mean to me, it took me a while to realize what was happening and that there was something really wrong. Love truly makes you blind and I was looking for excuses why it was the way it was and why he was the way he was. But some things can’t be excused. You can’t excuse smashing your hand into the door a few centimetres next to my head because you were freaking out on me because I and a good friend wanted to go to my friend's party together since he didn’t know how to get there. You can’t excuse constantly being jealous whilst cheating yourself. That’s not how you do it. That’s not what love is. That’s not what caring is.
Luckily with life come turning points. I was in 11th grade. My favourite ever. It’s not really necessary in Germany and you can skip it which means the classes you take don’t really matter. It's often used for years abroad but I’m not gonna go in the depths of the German school system. I had a blast and was basically just going for the fun. I had the best of friends and when I had the opportunity to be a student in Tucson, Arizona I said yes. It was a trip that just girls signed up for, we stayed with host families and it truly was one of the best times of my life. It was the turning point. When I decided to go, he basically was a terror and moaning about not having the power to decide if I go or stay. He didn’t want me to leave for Arizona and was trying to pressure me into staying home by telling me he would cheat on me whilst I was gone. Little did I know, he already did. Luckily, I made my mind up already and was deadly sure to go with some of my best friends at the time. It didn’t stop him from being an absolute shitty human being.
The worst thing about love is the love. It’s the feeling. It's feeling the love for someone who wasn’t lovable or still isn’t. It’s making it hard to leave even though your head already left. It took me a good month to tell him that it was over for me. My head already broke free and I wasn’t in the relationship anymore. My heart still respected him despite him pulling my heart into a thousand pieces. When I finally told him I felt my wings grow, there was no going back. I texted my friend and she was waiting for me at a bus stop with some champagne and a pack of cigarettes. I was filling my lungs with freedom. I broke free and I came out strong with my head high up.
❤︎
Location: Noordwijk, The Netherlands
Outfit: Shirt: Zara // Jeans: Primark // Bag: Dille & Kamille // Earrings: Topshop // Rings: Stradivarius
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