Happy Sunday and happy autumn. now that it's officially autumn I feel like I can come through with all the autumn content and go full steam ahead into the best months of the year. I have so many things planned and can't wait for all the content to come and I hope you are excited too. to me, there's just way more to blog about as soon as we hit the colder season and I basically find myself sparking inspiration and motivation. maybe it's because I have never been a summer girl and seeing all the trees changing colours when I look out of my window just makes me so warm. there's nothing better than a good coat, a pair of boots and a crisp day especially when you can come home into a warm flat, cuddle your cats and boyfriend and have endless amounts of hot chocolate and baths. I'm basically checking the lush website on a daily to see if the Halloween stock is already up because lush Germany is a bit behind. as soon as it's available I will get it and blog about it, of course.
what I did
The past weeks have been mainly spent catching up with work when it comes to uni and I hope I can slow down as soon as we roll into October which would be great as I plan to do vlogtober this year. I really want to give youtube a proper go and make the most of it, starting in October. uni has been a success this week. it was finally confirmed that I completed my advanced studies in public international law and European law and I'm so happy. my dad surprised me by buying me a bike as a present and because he got a bomb promotion which the entire family celebrated at dinner on Friday.
what I didn't do
I still have a bit of a hard time getting back into my workout routine and I hope I can do more about it as soon as work slows down. I want to get back into working out multiple times a day.
what I ate
the one treat food I had this week was some good pancakes. the proper fluffy ones with Nutella and it was heaven on my plate, especially because i feel like i really mastered the art of pancakes.
what I want to do next week
I want to complete most of my work and truly get into autumn by hopefully snapping some outfit pictures for the blog. it also seems like quite a few dates with my girls are on the cards which always excites me. I also have boring adult things to do like going to the dentist and looking at new furniture for the flat.
one word to describe the past week
autumn
❤︎
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I was always a nostalgic person and I love thinking about the past, about the good ol’ days which is probably where this whole column comes from. Why does the past normally feel better to me than the present? This story is one that I hold really close, one that I still cherish despite its very weird ending and once again, I’m pretty glad that I set my rule of trying to not have a casual thing with boys that are involved in my group of friends.
So after my breakup, I got used to freedom and I bloody loved every second of life. I found me, I found my spark and I had the best time ever. I still class Autumn 2011 as one of the best times in my little life. So much laughter, I went out a lot and my friendships with certain people grew stronger than ever. Since I was so happy with life, I also loved being with m family loads more and we were closer than ever. It was an autumn break and after a glitter and confetti filled concert, my dad, sister and I were off to a flea market in central Berlin.
It was sunny and beautiful but still crisp autumn. October 3rd. I know that it was October 3rd because it was the anniversary day with my ex. Guess what, he called me whilst I was happily sitting in the car with my family begging me to meet up. Really girls and boys, brace yourself for the awkward calls. I didn’t meet up with him as I had planned to meet up with a guy I recently met. In this column, you might find that I usually don’t really remember how I met people. Especially because I always liked online dating and I don’t really bother how I met people as I never had a super cute and sickly cheesy story to tell. They are usually boring. Also, I usually don’t use the word date. I find the classic dates where you get a drink, go for a meal or to the movies to be the worst thing ever and I never ever had a first “date” like that. It’s almost as bad as the breakfast of shame. So the guy I met suggested sitting by the river spree in Berlin and just chat and that’s what we did. One thing that really attracts me is someone's voice and I still remember his so well. It was very soft but also strong and he was probably the smartest guy I ever met which is also something that I just adore. This very October 3rd was spent enjoying the sun by the river, chatting, laughing and eventually kissing. I still remember how he pulled me closer as we walked over to Bellevue train station and how he was holding me so tight as we waited for the train. I think it was how gentle and sweet he was towards me that made me feel really comfortable and yet I still wonder why I didn’t fall for him. Maybe because I knew it wouldn’t work out.
But we just clicked and I always felt like he treated me like a piece of gold. I stayed with him the following night and there was never anything weird or anything I didn’t like. Probably because it takes quite a lot to make me feel annoyed. As long as you let me be and never hold me down I’m good and I didn’t bother how he lived his life as long as he treated me with respect which was exactly what he did. What he spent a good chunk of his life with was smoking weed. Loads of it loads of times. Also whilst we sat between the messy white sheets and just talked. He also always made sure I never met his parents with was okay for me as it was nothing serious but he always said he didn’t want me to meet them because he respected me too much.
It was a cold and rainy autumn evening and as I stepped out of the train station where he lived. He always was so casually loving when we saw each other so I hugged me tight and kissed me and told me that he was very happy to see me. I sat on his bed in this massive room. The flat he lived in is still one of the most impressive flats I have ever seen in my life and I was just chatting away like I always did since he was so smart that I was truly able to discuss things with him when he walked over to his bedroom window smoking a bong head. Something he did a lot but I didn’t mind at all so I talked away but suddenly stopped when he turned back around into the room. He looked like a ghost and pretty much made clear that his mum who wasn’t aware of him consuming drugs in his room at his parent’s house saw him. Before he even finishes the sentence I was out of the bed, gathering my belongings and getting ready to leave whilst he tried to make clear that he didn’t want me to be seen or involved. You could hear every step is mum did in the hallway, two flights of stairs upwards. His room was right by the front door so he was slightly going insane whilst I just wanted to leave and let him deal with that on his own. The closer the steps got to the flat, the more the room was filled with his anxiety. “Hide in my closet” was what he said as the steps came dangerously close and I just laughed. There’s no way I would hide in anyone’s closet like the affair or cheat. Not in a million years. I could feel his heart sinking when his mother very loudly smashed the flat door open, I was ready to leave, he was freaking out and I had no idea what I would do if she would have come straight in. As her loud steps went passed his room door and joined a loud discussion with a man who obviously was his dad, I felt his heart beating again but faster with panic. It was my call to leave and I was gone in a split second, wrapping my big wool scarf around me as I stepped down the stairs his mother was just walking up in anger. I still don’t know what happened, not at all.
One thing that never changed was how wonderfully sweet he was and yet he was so weird and I truly haven’t met anyone like him. He was so perfectly unstable and unreliable and there was nothing such as pressure. Sometimes we didn’t even talk for months and months and then a conversation would spark up again and we hung out. He called me his lucky charm and just let me be as much as I let him be. I sometimes think he was quite dramatic. The last time I saw him was a warm summers night, it was pouring with rain and when I left he hugged me so tight, just like he did when we first met and kissed and his last words he ever said to my face were: “I hope you keep me in good memory”. He stared my right into my eyes when he said it and it seemed like his eyes were even more blue than usual. That was him. That was him gone. The last time he texted me was about a week after I saw him last, inviting me to come over since he broke up with his girlfriend…I had no idea there even was one so I never went back to his and never saw him again. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I saw him again. For some reason, I hold this story really close to my heart because he was like no other man and at the same time he was, especially when it comes to how it ended. One lesson I learned was just to let people be. It’s easier.
❤︎
Location: The Hague, The Netherlands
Outfit: Dress: Zara // Tights: H&M // Shoes: DocMartens // Bag: Primark // Earrings: Topshop
it was a beautifully sunny and autumnal morning, a Monday and I was feeling productive. I thought it would be a great idea to take my laptop to Starbucks, get a psl and get work done. as soon as I walked up to my Starbucks I was confused for a second as it looked weirdly dark. it turned out they closed it and I was really disappointed. so since I was there and my productivity plans got cancelled, I decided to pop into lush before heading back home to get some work done and I had to pick up a few items. two of my favourites and a product I haven't tried before and I figured it would be only right to share them with you in this post.
let's take a bath
one of my all-time favourite lush bath bombs has to be intergalactic. it just makes such a beautiful bath and relaxes me to the max every time I use it. it is like bathing in the night sky with the stunning blue and glittery bath colour it creates. look wise it's my favourite and its also not a typical sickly lush scent. it contains peppermint oil as well as vetiver and cedar wood. it's a very calm and manly smell which is why Mr. T is a big fan too. one new bath bomb that looks very similar as its the same space theme is the new rocket science bath bomb. its the same colour palette as its bright blue too and is supposed to have yellow and pink in it as well and it's slightly shimmery. it contains lemon oil and smells very fresh and is again something to go for if strong lush scents aren't really your cup of tea. my favourite bubble bar has to be a french kiss. it's the most calming and relaxing lavender scent and it is the best to use if you need a good night of sleep or need to relax after a long week of being a girl boss. its perfection and even turns the bath water into a beautiful pale lilac colour.
so here we are. a very little and very spontaneous lush haul. I can't wait to take a bath now and I also can't wait to get some Halloween bits but they are only launching in October here so bear with me.
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happy Sunday my loves. I usually have this post scheduled and well as all my posts for the upcoming week. This Sunday I'm sitting here in the morning and typing up this post like a maniac because I was so busy and poorly and I just didn't manage to take pictures and I was all a mess. so sometimes you are so on top of your game and some weeks you are just flopping around. I try to be better next week with everything especially since I really, really want to do more with my youtube channel as I love it so much and I have so many ideas and plans and sometimes I feel like as soon as you make plans, something happens and you can't work on them but hey ho, another week is about to start.
what I did
so, me and my Mr. t were both very, very poorly. Everyone seems to be having a cold lately so we just spent most of our days snuggled up on the sofa with chicken noodle soup and tea. I had my laptop by my side to get work done but when I felt my worst on Wednesday I actually fell asleep over my laptop. Despite being very poorly, I got my hair cut finally and it was so needed. my hair feels so soft and looks great again. I also went to IKEA with my friends to buy some items to kick off the home renovations. I can't wait to get some work done and improve our flat.
what I didn't do
I didn't do any work on my youtube channel which is understandable when you feel like crap and basically nap all day long.
what I ate
I really do lose my appetite whenever I'm poorly and basically, don't want to eat at all. so I tried to have loads of water and fruit to make me feel better and I had loads of soup. so nothing interesting really.
what I want to do next week
I want to be most productive next week. I have so much work to keep up with and I just want to get it done. I also want to finish few little jobs around the flat and just go back to my busy self because I'm done with feeling poorly.
one word to describe the past week
poorly
❤︎
To make a few things clear again, sex and your sexuality are up to you. I grew up in a society where there’s no pressure to not do just that and I never had a problem with having sex also in just a casual way. After growing my wings and flying high as I broke free from a very toxic relationship, I was looking for everything but a new relationship. I think I was still looking for me, looking for who I truly was. I wanted to focus on myself and enjoying each day. The thought of getting into a new relationship was making me anxious and I was scared that what I just broke free from would happen again. What I was looking for was the sweet taste of “nothing too serious” and till this day my favourite moment to experience is kissing someone for the first time. It’s magical and filled with excitement and can taste like freedom or cheap vodka.
I always had one rule: don’t date a guy from school. First, because I was always friends with many guys and I liked keeping it a friendship. Also, I’ve witnessed more drama with school couples than a simple girl could take and I like to keep my relationships where they belong: between the people who are in the relationship. So there was my rule…guess what? I broke it.
Being friends with guys has many benefits. They are way more easy going, there’s hardly any drama and they will go out to grab a beer basically whenever. Also, they usually have a car which is very handy in many ways. So there was this guy, tall, dark hair and very, very funny. Not bad looking too and he was a ladies’ man, always with a girl but never in a nasty way. He was a bit older and was the first one to own a car. We always got along just fine and I knew he always liked me so I remember standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to go home when he rolled around in his mums bright red car (did anybody ever have a cool first car?) offering me a ride home as he lived pretty close and that’s where it started. From that point onwards he gave me a ride on a regular and we also started hanging out after school even if we just drove to get ice cream for his family, nothing serious which is just what I wanted but it became pretty evident pretty quickly that we both wouldn’t mind having a casual affair. So in that bright red car which was tiny I might add, we kissed for the first time and it was like that very kiss which meant nothing but a bit of fun and games for me started drama that taught me a very important lesson: never ever go for a boy from school or in fact, a boy that anyone knows when it comes to casual sex or casual making out.
To me and I think to him everything was fine the way it was and we kept the in car making out and midnight drives to ourselves. At least I did. He was dating a girl about a year before and as far as I know, he really liked her. She, however, treated him like crap and after cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend, she also let everyone know that she wasn’t happy and that she wanted to break up. The only person who wasn’t aware was him. He found out that he was dumped when he casually walked into the bar we all used to hang out (I still go there, so does he) and saw her with a new dude. Great, very classy and lovely. So after being an absolute shitty girlfriend, she decided that she wanted him back and started going for him again despite the fact that he had no idea what actually happened. Her strategy of getting him back was texting him nonstop and asking him about me. Basically, her texts were around me and him meeting up and pressuring him into telling her that we had something going on. He kept his mouth shut…for a while.
It was a regular day, we sat in this car on our way home just chatting about whatever when he told me about his ex wanting to meet up. It was in that very conversation that I realized that he had no idea about her behaviour towards him and their relationship. He had no idea that she stayed with her ex and cheated and that everyone knew she was over him before he did. It was him who asked me to tell him the truth. I still don’t know if it was my right to tell him but sometimes I can’t keep my mouth shut. I only realized that I told him the truth after I heard myself saying it and I was able to feel this pain and anger despite him not saying one word. I remember his fingers wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles turned white.
I used to have my biology class on Friday mornings at 8 and I was having a good day, probably planning my weekend and looking forward to not getting up at 5:45 in the morning. I was just ready to leave the class room when I saw my phone going mental. My friend was texting me that he told her about us and that we met up and had a casual thing going on, she told me that she knew and he basically stabbed me in the back. I expected to feel my heart drop but instead, I was flipping pissed. Now I was the bitch and I still remember her and her group of friends staring at me like I committed a major crime…guess what? You weren’t dating him and you were an awful human being in that relationship. I actually never talked to her after and since she blocked and deleted me on facebook (she still has by the way) and to be fair I didn’t feel the need to explain myself and my actions since I did nothing wrong. The first I thing I did is ask him if he even thought about telling me first that he was opening up so I would be able to brace myself. His reply was: “well since everybody knows now, we can just keep going right?” well, actually not. No respect, no sex. That’s it. All this unnecessary school drama because of nothing serious taught me once more that going for a boy from school especially in a casual way is not the one and I never made the same mistake again.
Probably the saddest thing about learning my lesson was that he ended up with a girl from our year and since their relationship started he deleted me on Facebook…just why? I guess some people never grow up.
❤︎
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Outfit: Shirt: Zara // Jeans: Topshop // Shoes: H&M // Bag: TKMaxx // Rings: Stradivarius
whats so special about autumn to me? it's the cosy weather, the warm colours, the heavy rain and stormy days, the golden sunlight, indulging in a hot bath and having a million candles to gently light up my living space. maybe it's my inner scandi since I have been going to Denmark since I was a kid but to me, the darker months are just more hygge...never thought i would write this word out in a blog post but here we go. so when it comes to a more hygge living space candles are a must and there is one brand and one brand only that seems to nail seasonal candles so well and makes most of us want to board a plane to the US to raid one of their stores. it's bath & bodyworks. the very famous three wick candles which are made with the most perfect seasonal scents and packaging as soon as the seasons change and this year, I wanted to get my hands on some too. mainly because I have been lusting over them for years and I wanted to be extra festive and see what they were about.
how I got them
now you may wonder how I got those babies from the US. so here is the whole story and a little drama. i knew that some of the candles are available via Amazon but they are very, very pricey on there and obviously don't have the same stock. then there's eBay which I only recently saw and I find it to be an okay option. I, however, shopped on the bath & bodyworks website. they had a deal going on and it was buy 2 get 2 free and they had a coupon for some dollars off when the order was over 30$ so the candles were really, really cheap. I decided to use gosend. I know they did many sponsored videos around this time last year and this is not sponsored at all. you set up an account and get a locker with an address in the US. this is the address I shipped the order to. after a few days, it arrived a gosend and I was able to ship it out myself. now here is the drama. I shipped items to the US from the US and yes, it is pricey but I wasn't ready for the price I had to pay. they offer express delivery only and I wouldn't have a problem with waiting longer and paying less. I had to pay 65$ for shipping. I almost cried into my laptop. they claim to have special offers on shipping when you pay for a membership but I'm not about that life. luckily I had some money spare but this is no cheap business here. the parcel came within two days which was a huge surprise and was probably what I paid for. I had to pay some customs fees but they were not much at all. I got four candles and the total cost had to be around 100$ which is less than buying four autumn scents via Amazon because their prices are just wow...gosend itself works great but the shipping really was something else so despite how easily and quickly it all went, I have no idea if I would use it again. probably not.
the scents I got
now I had to get two pumpkin theme scents and the first is pumpkin pecan waffles. the notes are maple syrup, golden waffles, pumpkin spice and brown sugar. it has that warmth to it and is very sweet and has the hint of spice that comes with pumpkin scents. it's not sickly sweet which I love and I would burn it in the kitchen or bedroom as the scent is very comforting. I also got caramel pumpkin swirl. the notes are fresh pumpkin, warm caramel, grated cinnamon and vanilla bean. this smells like a bakery I'd like to visit. the caramel is very strong and for a second I thought it was too much but when I burned it in the kitchen whilst baking, it filled the room with a spicy and warm scent and it's just lovely but if you like to stay away from sweet scents, this I probably not for you. one candle I was so surprised by is autumn. with notes of bright red gala apple, juicy fig, eucalyptus leaf and fir balsam I wasn't sure about it as I normally don't go for anything apple scented as I find that so hard to nail and most times i smells awful but this is autumn in a jar. literally. it's like breathing in an autumn walk. it's fresh but also has the wonderfully deep scent of golden leafs and a crisp morning. its beautiful and I would highly recommend it. the last one was one I wanted for ages. it's flannel. I'm German and one of my favourite English words is flannel. the notes are crisp autumn air, bergamot, heirloom mahogany and soft musk and it smells like a man. it has that fresh but deep and comforting men's cologne or aftershave kind of scent and it's so lovely. to me, it's the perfect living room and hallway scent and it really has that crisp autumn air feel to it. the scents are so strong that I can smell them even with my very stuffy nose at the moment and even when the lids are closed. their scent spreads throughout my entire flat and they burn very nicely.
so, all in all, I'm so happy with the candles and they are brilliant and worth the hype. the gosend shipping fees, however, are a whole different story so bear that in mind if you want to use their service. it all was easy and quick but it's not affordable at all. on the other hand, getting them via eBay and Amazon isn't cheap too.
❤︎
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