oh hello and welcome to 2019. it's a new year, a fresh start and a whole new story to write and experience. some might not be a huge fan of resolutions and clean starts on the 1st of January but I certainly am. I love setting goals, reminiscing about the good and also bad times I have had and focusing on something new to come. 2018 has been so bright and I had the highest highs in a long time but I was also in my darkest and fell really low.  it was the best of both. light and darkness and a great learning curve. I feel like I grew up, sort of, and figured out who I want to be and what I want to dedicate my life to. I can't wait to turn my ideas into reality and hopefully collect as many memories along the way as I can. Here is to the new and a new story to write but first, let's look back on 2018.

03. one of the things that made me the absolute happiest this year has to be this right here. my little blog on the internet. it's my main creative outlet and one of my biggest passions. I feel like I started getting a groove with my content and where I want to take things. I mixed in a good portion of fashion and lifestyle content with my love for beauty and it showed. the feedback I got from you guys was beautiful and I'm so happy with my content. this year I was able to land a few sponsored posts and being paid to do something I love so much just feels unreal. I can't wait to grow with my blog in 2019. it's my happy place.

04. friends. I was never one to have many friends or a huge group of friends. to be fair, I always struggled a bit to fit in and make proper friends since I am quite good on my own. this year, my friendship with a lovely group of friends grew stronger than ever. Its just what i have ever wanted. a group of beautiful and lovely ladies who understand and respect each other. we made amazing memories this year by going to the spa, going on nights out or just relaxed at each other flats. we rented a boat out in the summer for a whole day and ended the year with our friendmas celebrations. I just love them very dearly.

the lows

01. the year started out with a very dark time for me. I had to confess to myself that the course I was in at uni was never the one for me and that it deeply scared me. it was hard to admit that, especially since I was about to enroll in my exams to qualify to become a lawyer or judge. I took some time off to find myself and figure out what I truly wanted in life. I'm so thankful for my education and how smooth it was all the time but I just wasn't on the right track. I spend a lot of time crying and not knowing where to go but after a few months, I started realizing what it is I need to do and if everything works out, I can move into my dream career in 2019. 

02. mental health is always a big one for me and due to the hard times I had to go through, I struggled with anxiety a bit. it surely not as bad as other people experience it but it was horrible nonetheless. it just took such a toll on me and it made me quite unhappy. luckily, I have an amazing support system around me and I was able to feel better.

 a few more highlights

01. my boyfriend. he's my biggest rock and I'm thankful to have him and I hope we can spend many more years together.

02. my family. we are so close and it makes me incredibly happy to have them around me.

03. finding myself. I feel like I have been a bit lost in my early twenties and in my mind and I know feel like I'm on my way.

04. coming to terms with my faith and spirituality. its such a personal topic and I could talk about it more but I'm so happy about it.

how has your 2018 been? let me know your highlights and I hope you are ready for 2019 too. thank you so much for your support and love the past year. it means the world.

❤︎

Christmas is all about being surrounded by loved ones and enjoying the calmness of this beautiful celebration. there's nothing like sitting around my parents' kitchen table with nothing but candles lighting up the room, drinking hot tea and just chatting or reading festive stories to each other. everything feels so warm and almost like time doesn't exist. it's looking back on the year we've had and dreaming about what's to come and just enjoying how cosy and homely everything feels with just a few candles, foliage, and fairy lights. I'm sure every family has their own traditions and I love talking and learning about them. whether is certain activities, foods or rituals, its what makes it so special to me.

1. A Christmas Tree for the Woodland Animals

a lot of men in my family were professors of forest science, took care of acres of woodland, planned and nurtured communal and private woodland and were all qualified huntsmen. its a family history I'm very proud of and even though being a huntsman and forest scientist can sound quite unusual and brutal. it's not at all. it's not about killing wildlife, it's about preserving it and making sure it flourishes. my granddad taught me so much about respecting and caring for nature and wildlife around us and how fragile it can be. he took me on long walks to observe the wildlife and one of my highlights was rescuing a baby fox and nursing it until it became big enough to be released again, when I was around 4 I came up with the idea to decorate a tree in the wood close to were my parents and grandparents live with food for the woodland animals so they can celebrate Christmas too. that's what we have been doing ever since. we use the same tree and bring apples, carrots, nuts, and seeds. its a tradition very close to my heart and I have shared it before. it was published in Tanya Burrs Christmas book and it makes me very proud.

2. Traditional Christmas Food

I'm german so we have our main gift-giving on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day. traditionally, Christmas eve food isn't the big roast with loads of sides and a dessert too, its something rather easy to make so no one has to hide in the kitchen for too long and dinner can be relocated to the living room around the fire if we wanted to. we usually have various kinds of sausages, potato salad, bread, and butter as well as our traditional Christmas salad. a recipe that has been passed down for a few generations. my grandma and I prepare it together. its made with beetroot, potatoes, apples, nuts, beef, and pickles. it's so good and it just tasted like Christmas to me. I actually can't wait to have some around Christmas and because we always make so much that I basically eat it all the time around Christmas and although all ingredients are available all year round, I would never make it any other time.

3. Decorating my parent's tree

I love putting up the tree and I have to say that I probably have adopted a more international approach to decorating mine as I put it up a bit earlier and decorate it right away. all my family, however, decorate their trees on the 24th and keep them up into January. I always drive down to my parents early in the morning on the 24th to spend the entire day with them but also decorate the tree with my family. when I lived back at home, we would have old Astrid Lindgren films playing on the tv, still, in our PJs all decorating the tree with the same baubles, we have had for ages. my grandmother has been collecting china bells for the past decades with special yearly Christmas designs and its all the puts on her tree now. it's beautiful.

4. Christkind

there are various tales and traditions all around the world as to who brings the Christmas gifts and whilst most people grow up to believe its Santa, there are two different tales in Germany. you either believe in Santa or in christkind. she basically is an angel described and beautiful and kind with long gold hair and a long white dress and she brings presents to kids on Christmas eve. I grew up to believe she would come to my house. I also knew that santa must have been there too but he just wasn't gifting me and they were splitting the work apparently. its the tradition I have been growing up with and the one I will pass down to my kids too.

my outfit